Depravity, Part I

Today, I experienced my own depravity 3 times: once with a man at church, once with my two daughters, and once with my husband. Depravity is a strong word. You're thinking, "With a man at church?" and when I tell you what I did, you'll either be relieved or disappointed, depending on your predilections.

I'm using that word on purpose, though. We excuse too much of our own nastiness because it isn't *that* bad. But sitting up tonight, unable to sleep even though it's after 1 AM, the only word I can use is depraved.

But before I go there, I need to backtrack.

Last Sunday, or maybe the Sunday before, somebody at church said something about reading the book of Luke as an advent experience during the month of December. Might have been the preacher, but I can't be counted on to pay close attention. Anyway, 24 chapters, 24 days of Advent. Boom. Like that Proverb a day thing.

Now I'm not the person to sling scripture. Frankly, I find it cheap most of the time. Like shorthanded virtue signaling for Christians. Obviously the Bible has value, but I don't like starting a story with, "Just the other day, I was reading James, chapter 3, and the Lord convicted me ..." because even if those word are true, I feel cheap, and I don't want my experiences of God to feel cheap.

We forgot to read the first chapter on December 1, which fine. December 2, I cozied in on the couch, Holden and Ruby clambered around me, and I started reading. Y'all. I've been a Christian nearly 2 decades, so I should have known. Luke 1 is like 7 days long. 72 verses? 73? I lost my voice by the end of it, and I still had to read chapter 2, a veritable walk in the park at only 52 verses. Mid-post moral: don't skip any Advent days.

Nevertheless, I persisted.

Each day, we have read another chapter. This is relevant because Thursday night, we read Luke 6. Now I would love to selflessly tell you to pause and go read Luke 6, but I don't want to lose your attention here. The relevant verses are these:

27 “But I say to you who are willing to hear: Love your enemies. Do good to those who hate you. 28 Bless those who curse you. Pray for those who mistreat you. 29 If someone slaps you on the cheek, offer the other one as well. If someone takes your coat, don’t withhold your shirt either.

and

32 “If you love those who love you, why should you be commended? Even sinners love those who love them. 33 If you do good to those who do good to you, why should you be commended? Even sinners do that ... 35 Instead, love your enemies, do good ... If you do, you will have a great reward. You will be acting the way children of the Most High act, for he is kind to ungrateful and wicked people. 

Friday afternoon, I took Holden and Ruby Christmas shopping for a friend. As we wandered the aisles of Wal-Mart, Ruby, who is 6, noted the LOL Surprise dolls and began talking about a little girl we will name Sally (because noone in her class has that name). "Sawwy woooooves LOL suhpwise dawws, Mommy. I don't weawwy wike my LOL Suhpwise dawws anymowe, Mommy, can I give dem to Sawwy?"

Frankly, my standing sentiment on this question is, "Sweet Jesus, yes. PLEASE give your stuff away. You have too much stuff, and Christmas is coming." So without really giving it any thought or examination, I said, "Sure sweety! That sounds nice."

We trawled a few more aisles, not finding anything we wanted for our friend, Ruby chattering happily the whole time, when I heard, "Maybe when I give Sawwy my ewwo-ewl suhpwise dawws, den she will stop being a buwwy to me."

SAY WHAT? AW HELL NAW.

"Ruby," I said with as much calm as I could muster, "Is Sally being mean to you at school?" When she nodded and said Sally was a bully, I said, "Then no, you may NOT give her your LOL Surprise Dolls; we do not --"

"No Mommy, I HAVE to," she cut in firmly, "da Bible says dat I have to. Wemembuh? It says Wuv youwh enemies and dat if I onwy give to people who awh nice to me and who awh my fwiend, den I am not doing what Jesus wants."

Another parent in the aisle made eye contact with me, both of us with utter panic in our eyes. How the hell do you explain the difference between turning the other cheek and buying friendship to a 6 year old?

I tried though. I explained the best I could, and then I told her that if she believed that Jesus wanted her to give this girl the LOL Surprise Dolls, then she could do so, and I tried not to let her see me tear up about it.

So yeah, my 6 year old understands the basics way better than I do.